A boy asked his mother:
- What is NLP?
The mother answered:
- I will tell you shortly, but first you have to do something so you can understand. Do you see your grandfather sitting on the chair over there?
- Yes, I see him – said the boy.
- Go and ask him how his arthritis is today.
The boy went over to his grandfather.
- Grandpa – he said – how is your arthritis today?
- Oh, it is a bit bad, son – replied the old man. It is always worse in wet weather. I could barely move my fingers today.
A look of pain crossed the face of the grandfather. The boy went back to his mother.
- He said he was bad. I think it hurts him. Now, would you tell me what means NLP?
- I promise I would do it in a minute – she said – now go over and ask your grandpa what was the funniest thing you ever did as a child.
The boy returned to his grandfather.
- Grandpa – he began – what was the funniest thing I did as a child?
- O – he smiled – you did many things. Once playing with your friend of Santa Claus you had dusted with talcum powder the entire bath, pretending it was snow. I laughed a lot, though I was not the one who had to clean it up.
He stared into the distance with a smile on his face.
- Once I took you out for a walk. It was a lovely day and you were singing a child song which you had just learned. You were singing loudly. A man passed us by and looked askance at us. He minded you were too noisy. Ask me to tell you be more quiet. You turned around and told him: “If you do not like my singing, then you can go and boil your head”. And you continued singing even more loudly…
The old man laughed with satisfaction. The boy went back to his mother.
- Did you hear what Grandfather said? – asked the boy.
- Yes – replied the mother – You changed his mood with a few words. This is NLP.
And, so – NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) is a comprehensive system of research and impact on perceptions and experience, as well as on state and mood of others. This is the ability to monitor and influence the feelings and emotional reactions of people. The neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is based on the idea that through our senses we perceive only a small part of the world. Our vision of others is distorted through the prism of our experience, our beliefs, our values and assumptions.
To have success in the way of communicating with others it is necessary to go through several stages – from understanding the other person, to adapting in order to create trust, and using appropriate speech strategies.
Knowing the other person
Regardless of whether you talk with a colleague or a superior, the rules are equal. We should try to fully explore the other man – by monitoring its reactions, mood, and speech. For each person, different communication channels have different expression – eyes (visual), ears (hearing), sense (kinesthetically). The way of speaking of your partner, the body language, eye movement, posture and employed verbs will help you understand exactly by which of these sense organs he draws conclusions. Continuing the conversation use the same channel of perception. Then you can be assured that your message will reach the people against you because you start speaking their language.
Example: Here are various ways to say “I do not understand” – depending on the used communication channel:
Visual – I am in dark, I have a vague idea, show me what you mean, and I am blind on this issue;
Auditory - sounds like Chinese, it sounds unknown to me;
Kinesthetically – I cannot throw coin-flip to decide.
Inducing unconscious trust
Effective communication is the foundation of all interpersonal relations. Using the same communication channel you synchronize with the other man and this creates unconscious trust. The eye contact is the most powerful method for non-verbal communication between people. Remember to establish an eye contact with the other man, as it not only leads to creation of unconscious trust, but also makes a positive impression.
Effective communication strategies at the workplace
- Behave professionally, especially when talking with a superior;
- Listen with empathy – the ability to listen to the others and show interest is extremely important at the workplace;
- Encourage open communication – communication at the workplace will not be effective if people are reluctant to share their thoughts, problems and ideas;
- Tone – always mind the direction of your intonation, during a conversation, especially if it is with a superior;
- Raising the voice tone at the end of the sentence is always perceived as an issue;
- When you save your voice intonation flat, it is seen as a statement;
- If you lower your voice tone at the end of the sentence, it is always observed as an order;
- Think positive – avoid confrontation with colleagues, especially when you are trying to prove that you are right. The effective communication at the workplace focuses on the corporate culture, mission and goals of the organization. Whether you are accused of something or feel offended by an employee’s comment, listen to him carefully, reply with tact and distribute the conversation to your duties avoiding personal questions.
Talk good about the people around you – it is easier to focus on mistakes and shortcomings of others. But if you highlight the good qualities and efforts made by people around you, it would inevitably lead to higher motivation and enhancement of good communication.
With the help of NLP, you can “shape” your more successful patterns of behavior so that you can apply them in areas where you are not so successful.